


The Cucumber Technique

by Alarnia



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Caleb centric, Fleshlights, Frottage, Fruit, Gardens & Gardening, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, No Beta, Porn with Feelings, Sexual Inexperience, Vegetables, fruit fucking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-20 17:45:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18997456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alarnia/pseuds/Alarnia
Summary: Caduceus has too many zucchini, but he makes due.





	The Cucumber Technique

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this intending for it to be straight pwp where cad and caleb mess around with vegetables. But of course I accidentally spilled my feels everywhere. The smuts at the end if you wanna skip the BS.

The weather was turning in Rosohnas, the growing heat was a sign of approaching spring time. A fact that was made readily apparent by the sudden abundance of fruits and vegetables that Caduceus brought down from the rooftop every morning.

 

“Thats a lot of zucchini.” Caleb commented one day over breakfast, Caduceus’ arms laden with the phallic vegetable, as well as other produce like cucumber, and lettuce, the whole shebang. Caduceus looked slightly harried.

 

“Please eat them, I didn’t expect them to like the weather here so much.”

 

“Really? How much is there?”

 

Caduceus gave him a look as he adjusted his grip on the large basket of  courgette he was carrying. “2 pounds at least, and the growing season has only just started. I expect we’ll be drowning in it by the end of spring if we don’t do something with them all.”

 

Caleb’s eyebrows rose, for once his younger days of roaming the farms of Zemni provided some use. He would laugh if he didn’t remember how easy it was to get sick of eating the same thing day in and day out.

 

“And that’s not even considering the other plants starting to bear fruit now.” Caduceus added.

 

“I suppose we will have to get creative.” Caleb thought they could always give some away, but the good will of their neighbors was precarious at best. He remembered how his own childhood neighbors had complained when more and more green gourds came there way.

 

Caduceus nodded, and left towards the kitchen after that. 

 

“You wouldn’t mind helping would you?” Caduceus says after a pause, his hand resting on the doorknob. 

 

Caleb blinked, not expecting Caduceus to ask. “I-” He ducks his head, suddenly unsure. They had been having a pleasant conversation but now Caleb was backpedalling. Trying to summon up an excuse to distance himself.

 

“Ah, don’t worry about it.” Caduceus says, smiling gently. But not before Caleb catches a disappointed look cross his face. Mutely, Caleb watches Caduceus step the rest of the way into the kitchen, and out of sight.

 

Throughout the morning and early afternoon Caleb could hear the man fussing in the kitchen. The sounds of chopping and the smell of cooking drifted from the door, which hung slightly ajar. He thought about how poorly their exchange had ended.  _ It’s better like this. _ He swallowed, his tongue felt heavy and awkward. The two of them rarely spent time alone anymore. The potential for conversation was too daunting for Caleb.

 

The things left unsaid between them overwhelmed Caleb.  A part of him worried about what might happen next if they broke that silence. He worried over Caduceus’ opinion of him, and his own concern about the firbolg’s opinion. He recognized the fledgling infatuation for what it was, but found himself too afraid to analyze it, even if it might satisfy his curiosity for a while.

 

Caduceus is… kind, and soft, both physically and in aura. His very presence is a balm to Caleb’s nerves. For reasons that are only barely explained by the brief encounters they’ve shared. Barely a dalliance. When free time was abundant and they found their gazes lingering once conversation had dried up. They found the silences comfortable, and their kisses even more so. Chaste like the periapt Caleb had gifted the larger man during their voyage at sea. But it was never anything more than that. Swept away with the tide once they found themselves on dry land again. Caleb dared not address the emotions that bubbled beneath the surface. Maybe one day, but not now, with the war. There was too little time. Too much at stake.

 

… it had probably just been the sea-breeze making them stir-crazy, anyway.

 

The musky smell of sauteed vegetables permeated the house.

  
  
  
  


All the veggies were starting to become unbearable, as Caleb predicted. 

 

Caduceus apologized so sweetly that no one dared complain, however it was clear that they were all growing bored with eating different renditions of the same vegetable medley every day. Roasted, fried, pureed, steamed, mashed, candied, and baked into bread. The sulphurous aroma was enough to make Caleb ill. And it didn’t help that the smell of it had started to cling to them all like a malodorous perfume. 

 

The only thing that seemed to keep the Nein from rioting (and especially Nott, who loved meat so much) was the promise of fruits. As the days passed and Caduceus grew satisfied with the state of his rooftop garden, he turned his attention to yard that surrounded their xhorhasian home. Caduceus claimed to have started caring for some nocturnal variety of peach tree. He seemed excited to try them, and that was good enough for Caleb.

 

The ground floor garden was full of plants that were strange yet familiar. Ferns, mosses, wildflowers… All of them well suited to the low light conditions of the city. The cat paw shaped hole left in the earth by Caleb’s spell had been converted into a pond; lined with small stones and filled with water lilies. Whenever Caleb saw Caduceus tending to them a strange glimmer of pride welled up in his chest.

 

Elsewhere, not far from the view out of Caleb’s bedroom window, a number of fruiting trees were growing. Limphel, or “Pearl fruit” trees, as Caduceus had mentioned in passing. At the beginning of their stay the trees had been scrawny, but with Caduceus encouragement they had grown larger and bolder. Ghostly white flowers now emerged between the fronds, their petals growing longer and more delicate the further they spread from their stamen.

 

Caleb watched Caduceus from behind a curtain one afternoon as the firbolg whispered softly into the branches, a soft smile on his face. Caleb swore he could see the boughs of the tree shiver happily, its gorgeous white blooms opening up wider. Caleb felt himself redden. He felt like he was spying on something private. But he couldn’t tear his eyes away as Caduceus took out a paint brush of all things, and walked around tickling the blooms with it. It confused Caleb to no end, but pleasure curled in his belly. 

 

He looked away finally, and resumed his reading.

 

A few weeks later, Caleb found himself in the same situation again.

 

Accidentally, he would insist. But there was something tempting and illicit about watching the firbolg from the shadows. He loved to watch the low lamp light shimmer against Caduceus piled hair. He loved how his top knot would release tendrils into his face as the day wore on. The firbolg’s height never ceased to amaze him. He would watch Caduceus straighten and reach up into the fronds of a tree, long limbed and graceful like a vine. Caleb gaped at the length of it as he plucked a fist-sized, peach-like fruit from the Limphel tree he had been nurturing these past weeks. He imagined how completely the firbolg could wrap him up in those arms, envelop him.

 

He was so engrossed with the nearly avant-guard proportions of Caduceus’ body. He barely noticed how Caduceus lifted the strange pearlescent fruit to his lips, until there was suddenly milky white juices dripping down his chin. Caduceus was clearly just as surprised by this turn of events as Caleb was. But while Caduceus face split into a smile and laughed, Caleb felt like he’d been plucked. His eyes widened and his face warmed as he watched sticky white strands stretch between the fruit and the firbolg’s lips, gossamer like spiderwebs or, if Caleb is honest with himself: something completely inappropriate.

 

He let out a shuddering gasp as Caduceus tongue slipped out to clean his mouth. He then moved to catch the juices pouring from the fruit in his hand. It was thick, sticky, white, and yet there was so much it easily coated the mans fingers and dripped down his forearm. Caduceus seemed to be enjoying himself immensely so it must have been delicious. But Caleb is more concerned with how Caduceus put his lips to the bite he left in the fruit and  _ sucks _ . A shiver ripped through him as he watched Caduceus take another bite, gently, but slurping so loud Caleb could hear him through the window panes.

 

Unconsciously, Caleb’s legs widened. His imagination ran wild the more he watched Caduceus’ mouth work the fruit. He imagined what that tongue might feel against his own flesh, moist and slick. His chin damp with saliva, among other things. Hot breath spilled over his goosebumped flesh. A long flat tongue Lapped him up like every inch of skin was ambrosia. Caleb’s hand slipped lower to press down on the quickly growing erection in his trousers, as if that might discourage it, but the touch only pulled a whimper from him. He was hard,  irrevocably so, and the pressure inside the confines of his clothing was soon unbearable.

 

Conflicted feelings forced him to look away, but need kept his hand where it was. It had been so long since he felt that kind of touch, and it had been a while since he’s even had the impulse to bring himself any kind of pleasure. Privacy has been difficult to find, and not exactly wanted. He felt so lonely now that Nott had found her husband, and Caleb is reminded of how he’d stood outside Caduceus door in the dead of night, craving anything that the firbolg might offer him.

  
  
  


Caleb looked back at Caduceus. The fruit was almost gone now. Caduceus had devoured it swiftly. He looked so content. Pristine and untouchable in the pale lamp light. The tree and its leaves shimmered when Caduceus whispered something to it. Caleb looked back down at himself and felt disgust roll through him.

 

He shut the curtains completely and retired to bed, guilt pulsing through him in tandem with his moving hand. The sound of sliding skin and desperate breaths stood out harshly in the quiet room. Numbing, honeyed carnality quickly seeped through his limbs and down his belly.

 

It was difficult for Caleb to look Caduceus in the eye for a while after that.

 

But he recalled the smell of something musky and sweet on the firbolg’s breath.

  
  


———

  
  


A day later Caduceus served Limphel over porridge for breakfast. The juice was viscous and the pulp was pudding soft. Combined with butter, walnuts, and cinnamon, the meal was simply heavenly. This helped Caleb get over his initial hesitance.

 

“I learned another name for it when I shared some with the neighbors.” Caduceus said amiably, pouring himself another cup of tea.

 

“You did?” Jester perked up. It was no pastry but the sweetness of the fruit was satisfying enough.

 

“Milk pear.” Caduceus grinned.

 

Caleb choked, averting his eyes as Caduceus gave him an inquisitive look. Jester cackled.

  
  


\--------

  
  


Caleb tried to atone. In his own way. He was too awkward to make an overt gesture. Too secretive to come clean. What would he even tell Caduceus? 

 

‘ _ I miss you, I want you. I’ve been watching you every chance I get and I cannot look away.’  _ That sounded like a line from one of the books he’d gifted to jester.

 

So instead he helped Caduceus when it was convenient, with chores, or in battle. But he never let himself be alone with him. When he saw that Caduceus looked glum, he sent Frumpkin over to comfort him. 

 

It took an iron will to keep himself from spying on the man through his familiar’s eyes when he noticed him lift the cat up and kiss the top of their head.

 

But he found himself blushing at the sight anyway.

 

_ Oh,  _ this was not good.

  
  


\------

  
  


Caduceus is so… soft. He makes it so easy to be sweet on him. But for all the reasons that make Caleb’s chest flutter with affection, they also make Caleb feel he ought to push the other away. Caduceus could do much much better than him.

 

He knew if he only maintained distance that, in time, the feelings would fade. He only wished that it would happen quicker. But life in Xhorhas was quickly starting to feel very domestic, almost cozy. It was very hard to avoid people when you lived with them.

 

When Nott was braiding the last flowers of spring into his hair one afternoon, he could feel Caduceus’ eyes on him. And when Caleb’s met them the firbolg did not look away. He wore a sleepy smile, eyelids heavy over his penetrating gaze. Caleb felt Exposed. He fidgeted, despite Nott’s tsking.

 

“You look nice,” A deep voice rumbled. 

 

Caleb had to look away.

  
  


\------

 

The mad dash towards Bazzoxan provided a refreshing break from mundanity. For the first day it was nice to stretch his legs, and spend time with Jannic. Caleb wondered if maybe half the reason why Caduceus occupied his thoughts so much was because he was bored. Now that Caleb had something to do he felt his concerns about Caduceus slip into the back of his mind. It would have been freeing, if the threat of Essek and the Bright Queen’s disapproval didn’t send his heart into palpitations.

 

The next day did not go as well. Any day that Caleb was attacked and nearly killed by some soul starved demon of shadow and despair, was going to be a bad one. Caleb barely realized what had happened before the pressure of the creatures sad wails on his mind sent it elsewhere and the world around him went hazy. 

 

Only for It to come screaming back with shocking clarity in the next instant. As Caleb lay crumpled and shivering on the ground he couldn’t help but look up at Caduceus as he stood protectively over him, making a barrier of himself. The light of the driftglobe made Caduceus seem ethereal, angelic. Stars drifted in front of Caleb’s eyes and before he could blink them away the fight was over. 

 

Caduceus crouched down in front of him, offering him a hand and a look a of concern. Caleb forgot to be scared for a brief instant. Caduceus’ gaze was intense and captivating. He could have kissed him. Caleb wanted to dig his fingers into their mussed up hair… Then he saw the blood sprayed over their armor. 

 

“How are you feeling, Mr. Caleb?”

 

Caleb groaned.

  
  


\------

  
  


It’s raining out, several days later. Terrible weather for gardening, but excellent for reading. For once Caleb felt calm, deeply invested in a series of xhorhasian novels about a dragon’s handmaiden. They were all written in undercommon so he took the opportunity to learn a few things about the language.

 

It was cold and blustering outside, but beside the common room’s hearth Caleb was plenty cozy. Beside him rested a fruitbowl. But he did not reach for it. That morning when he’d started his reading the dining room had been full of chatter and activity, but the deeper he fell into his reading the less he noticed it. As such he didn’t notice how time slipped by, or when each member left.

 

_ “ol xund?” _

_ “i inbaln't inbalus natha yinninjiv'undus yol usstan tha ilta. ” _

_ “i orn'la mzilt y'sik inbal bwael yinnin taga inbal khemiren lueth crysos kev doeb de' ussta norrs” _

 

Caleb chucked. 

 

“Good book?” The voice broke his concentration. Caduceus was sitting across from him, staring right at him and looking as pleasant as ever. When had he gotten there? The firbolg was never this sneaky. Caleb quickly swallowed his surprise.

 

“ _ Ja- _ ehhr, funny. Sometimes.” Caleb stuttered, still too preoccupied with Caduceus sudden existence to deter the impending conversation.

 

“Only sometimes? What kind of book is it?” Caduceus leaned forward slightly over the table, peering down at Caleb’s novel. Caleb felt the instinctive urge to hide the words from view.

 

“Its ahh… Fiction? It has dragons in it, and the heroine works for them,” Caleb replied.

 

“Aren’t Dragons real?” Caduceus frowned.

 

“Ja, but I do not think this is- is biographical so…” Caleb watched Caduceus’ eyebrows like a hawk. Meeting his eyes right now was beyond him.

 

“So it’s like Jester’s hanky panky books?” His face lifted with surprise, and took on a slightly playful quirk.

 

Caleb jerked. “No not at all.” Not that Caleb thought there would be anything wrong with that, but.

 

“Oh, ok that would have been weird. With a dragon I mean... I mean it’s cool, but weird. I can’t imagine how that would work.” Caduceus rambled, his hands gesturing. He seemed to be puzzled over the size difference. “They’re so big and. Humans are so small?”

 

“Don’t worry about it.” Caleb laughed weekly, which seemed to please Caduceus. He wore happiness like a new set of clothes. Proudly, brightly. It was a bit like watching a branch sway in the wind.

 

Their eyes briefly met as Caleb felt his heart flutter. Desperately, He searched for a distraction.

 

He shut the book. “I’m afraid I lost track of time, what is everyone up to?” He then noticed his breakfast, left by his side hours ago and now gone completely cold. Barely two or three were bites taken from it. On the other side of the table Caduceus had placed a cutting board, cutlery, and a small wheel of cheese.

 

“Yasha went out, Jester and Beau went with to make sure nothing happens. Nott and her husband are busy upstairs I imagine. I think Fjord is brooding. He doesn’t like storms.” Caduceus leaned back into his seat.

 

“Oh,” Caleb watched as Caduceus cut the cheese into wedges with a paring knife, making neat little morsels out of it.

 

“I admit I’m a little more concerned about you though, Mr. Caleb.” Caduceus pulled one of the Limphel out of the fruitbowl. And sliced it gently in half. He Scooped some out with a spoon so that the mess was minimal, but juice still slowly dripped from the spoon like honey.

 

“Me?” Caleb said, trying to sound confused, but anxiety was already shooting through him, kicking up the urge to run, now, before something bad happened. But Caduceus’ demeanor kept him planted in his seat.

 

Caduceus didn’t say anything for several seconds. Caleb wondered if he was carefully choosing his words. He hoped his fretting was not too obvious. Did Caduceus know what he had been doing? But why confront him now of all times? Why not before? Why over lunch? Caleb reached for his cold breakfast in an attempt to keep his hands busy. But he stilled when a large grey hand reached out and touched his.

 

“Don’t, that’s gone cold.” Caduceus said before letting Caleb’s hand go.

 

Caleb blinked when  a spoonful of pulp was suddenly held aloft for him. He went cross-eyed as the lump of milky white  shifted closer, pausing just a few inches away from his mouth.

 

“I should warm your porridge up again before you try to eat it. But you’ve barely had anything all day so,  _ here _ .” Caduceus insisted, his brows heavy with concern.

 

Once Caleb realized what Caduceus wanted, he moved. Stiffly and automatically, but it was enough. He closed his lips around the spoon before it could drip all over his books

 

“Good?” Caduceus smiled, and retracted the spoon once it was clean. He stuck the spoon back into the fruit.

 

“Mhh-” Caleb nodded, swallowing. He can feel the sticky threads of sugar cling to the roof of his mouth. His tongue pokes out to wipe any juice that might have been left on his lips. Caduceus’ eyes followed the movement.

 

“What’s this about?” Caleb found himself asking. Caduceus scooped out another spoonful of Limphel and lifted it.

 

“...Lunch?” Caduceus slowly extended his arm forward again. Caleb leaned away from it’s pursuit and squinted.

 

“I don’t need you to feed me.” Caleb grumbled.

 

“Maybe not, but do you want me to?” Caduceus said amiably. He gestured towards Caleb’s nearly untouched breakfast. “You seem too distracted to help yourself.” The candor of his words belied the way they jabbed at him.

 

When Caleb did not lean back forward, Caduceus eventually withdrew his arm again, and licked what remained of the fruit into his mouth, sucking the utensil clean. The movement drew Caleb’s eye and he shook himself before his thoughts could get away from him.

 

“What does ‘want’ have to do with it? We don’t-” Caleb hesitated, words sticking in his throat as he breached territory that they hadn’t touched in months. “All we did was… this seems inappropriate.”

 

When Caduceus held up a another bite for him, this time with a bite of cheese place precariously on top, Caleb accepted it. His cheeks felt very warm.

 

“You’ve been upset. Distancing yourself.” Caduceus says, frowning. “But here we are. I… don’t really understand this. But I can’t help but feel that’s partly my fault.”

 

“It’s not.” Caleb swallowed, Dread washed over him as he fully realized the direction this conversation was headed. He’d rather brave the storm outside then speak of it… Better for Caduceus this way, better for both of them. But...

 

As if sensing Caleb’s anxiety, the firbolg placed his hand over Caleb’s. The touch was warming, and reminded him of the few exchanges they’d had in the past. How sweet they’d been.

 

Caleb looked up at Caduceus then. Seeing the fretful look on his face, Caleb’s resolve crumbled. It was so easy to lean in, and for Caduceus to meet him over the table. Lips brushing, softly parting. The sweet musk of nimphel lingered on their breath.

 

“Please stop avoiding me,  _ Caleb.” _  Caduceus whispered when they parted, eyes alight with relief, or joy, or some other emotion Caleb couldn’t identify. He felt his throat tightening. He pulled away.

 

“I’m sorry- I-” Caleb felt his voice beginning to crack.

 

“It’s ok. You can take your time. I’m in no hurry.”

 

“We can’t- There’s just so much, it’s overwhelming and I don’t want to ruin this-”

 

“ _ Shhh,”  _ Caduceus soothed, his other hand raising up to cup the back of his head, threading through his hair. He pulled him in close again. “Do you want this?”

 

Caleb squeezed his eyes shut. 

 

“I shouldn’t-” Caleb grimaced, and went silent. Caduceus waited a long time for Caleb to speak. And listened patiently through several stumbled and aborted phrases. “...You deserve better.”

 

“What I want is something that should be for me to decide, right?” Caduceus says calmly.

 

“ _ True,  _ but-” Caleb made a frustrated sound. “It’s going to be _ painful _ . War is- it’s not the time for these kinds of things. It- It couldn’t work. I would just-” Caleb let out a breath, His fingers gripped Caduceus’ tightly.

 

“If not now then when?” 

 

“I- I don’t know, later-” Caleb replied.

 

“We could both be dead, later.” Caduceus smiled, voice calm, and unshakably happy.

 

“How can you be so optimistic?” Caleb hissed, leaning closer. Wishing he could impress on Caduceus how bad of an idea this was. But Caduceus had a slant to his shoulders that told him his mind was made up.

 

“I would argue that I’m doing the opposite.” Caduceus leaned in, mirroring Caleb’s movements.

 

“Ach-  _ this is-”  _ Caleb shook his head, his hair tumbling over his face. _ “Gottverdammt! _ You are  going to be the death of me.”

 

“Maybe.” Caduceus pressed his forehead to Calebs. “... Caleb... I like being with you. Please don’t push me away for my sake.” Caduceus voice’ rumbled pleasantly, sounding wet with unshed tears.

 

“What do you want from me?” Caleb whispered, tamping down on the hopeful tremor in his voice. He wanted to look at Caduceus, but it suddenly felt too immense to meet those bright violet eyes.

 

“Nothing you won’t give.” Caduceus reassured him, coaxing him onwards like one blows life into an ember. “We could spend time together again, talk. I miss talking. I miss this.” caduceus’ fingers tightened on his scalp; rubbed circles over caleb’s knuckles. “That’s all. I feel like we… there was something we had a few months back, but ever since we left the sea… well.”

 

Caleb watched a flush spread over Caduceus’ face as he spoke. Gently glowing behind a light dusting of gray fur. Caleb remembers how soft it had been, like velvet.

 

“...Okay,” Caleb says, swallowing as he memorized the things Caduceus told him. Thunder rumbled outside. Rain beat down against the windows, creating a buffer of sound that felt lonely and comforting at the same time. Caleb jumped as the log in the fireplace popped loudly.

 

Eventually he leans forward to kiss Caduceus, again. And again. Trading breaths, and kindling a fire that had been quiet between them for such a long time. He lets himself burn with it.

 

They don’t part till Caleb begins to feel raw around the edges, his eyes prickling with tears. And Caduceus puts a stop to things before they turn south. They eat, trading morsels of cheese and fruit, licking fingers clean because it feels right and good. And when Caleb is tucked up in bed alone later that night he feels warm, and thinks of Caduceus gardening under starlight.

  
  


\---------

  
  


Caleb isn’t sure what he was expecting, but he’d thought maybe things would change now that he and Caduceus had reconciled. But largely, life was still exactly the same, insufferably domestic, with the random foray into murder. Now there was just an extra splash of skin contact. And Caleb supposes it is nice not having to feel like a rabbit running from a wolf in his own home. He still watches Caduceus on occasion from his study, but with less guilt, and sometimes he even waves at him when they lock eyes. Caduceus is tall enough that he can walk right up to Caleb’s window and chat with him, while Caleb gives him a sip from his teacup, and chases it with tongue.

 

He remembers how the limphel had gushed over Caduceus lip and he wants. But it’s still too soon for these things. But maybe… when the timing was right, he thinks he would welcome that sort of attention.

  
  


\--------

 

The Mighty Nein eat fruit till they’re sick, and the rest is cooked and canned. They are still overwhelmed with vegetables, with the growing season still a few weeks strong. Spring comes to a close as Caduceus and Caleb grow more and more comfortable with each other. Caleb feels… happy. For once in the last 15 miserable years.

  
  


\--------

  
  


Caleb wasn’t even really sure what he was looking at initially. One humid summer afternoon the wizard ascended the ladder to Caduceus’ garden, hoping to catch a breeze. Indulging in a little voyeurism had been the last thing on his mind.

 

Caduceus sat tucked between the splayed roots of his tree, in a small nest of pillows and furs. His back was to Caleb, but the movement of his arm combined with a beat of wet  _ schlicks  _ left little doubt as to what the firbolg was doing. 

 

Caleb froze. His face heated, his eyes locked on Caduceus’ form.

 

He trembled as the scene played out in front of him. Shocked and aroused in equal measure. In his hand Caduceus held what looked like a cucumber, hollowed out so that something could fit inside. When Caleb suggested Caduceus get creative with his use of vegetables this hadn’t really been what he had in mind.

 

Caleb was transfixed as Caduceus generous length was swallowed up in the makeshift toy. Juices and torn pulp spilling out with each thrust. Caduceus head was tilted back against his tree, his face soft and open with pleasure. The Trapdoor to Caduceus’ garden clattered loudly as it fell open, Caleb’s grip on the trap door having slipped.

 

“Wh?! What?” Caduceus jerked, looked towards the noise, and Caleb.

 

“ _ Scheisse- _ sorry I’ll-” Caleb scrambled to say.

 

“Caleb!  _ Oh! fudge- _ ” Caduceus babbled as he flushed from neck to eartip.

 

“ _ I’ll come back later-”  _ But Caleb’s body did nothing, seemingly paralyzed and unable to retreat downstairs.

 

“I- I don’t- This is just-  _ uuhhh _ ...” Caduceus said as he turned away. He was struggling to pull his pants up. And obviously uncomfortable with the end result. No wonder, considering how erect the firbolg was. That definitely wasn’t going to go down any time soon.

 

“It’s okay- Its my fault I- I should have knocked.” 

 

“No it’s- I should have locked it. Did you- did you need something?” Caduceus turned, stepping behind a larger root, hiding his midsection from view. But his posture was awkward and bent. Caleb caught glimpses of the large prominent bulge in the firbolg’s trousers. The loose flowing fabric hung off the projection and only made it more obvious.

 

“I didn’t- I just…” Caleb swallowed, and looked down at himself. He couldn’t compare to something that big, not at all. The stirring in his cock was only barely visible in its current state. “I just thought I’d visit. Get some fresh air while I’m at it.”

 

“Oh, well…” Caduceus looked strangely torn. Like he would have enjoyed the company if not for the unexpected interruption.

 

Caleb was struck with an idea. This was an opportunity. Caleb stepped out of the entryway and shut the trapdoor behind him, the lock clicking in place. 

 

“Mr. Caleb?” Caduceus said, confused.

 

“Tell me to leave if you don’t want me here.” Caleb said as he turned back towards the firbolg, slowly approaching him.

 

“I... what? It’s not that...” Caduceus ears flicked back, shy.

 

Caleb stopped a few feet out, a comfortable space between them. Here caleb could see Caduceus more clearly, although modesty kept him partially hidden. Caleb’s face was already quite warm, but the sight made his face prickle. His mouth felt suddenly dry. 

 

“Caduceus…” Caleb started to say. The firbolg was usually so calm and collected. It was rare that Caleb was able to surprise him with something enough to get a reaction. When they kissed it had some effect, but… Here and now, Caleb had never seen Caduceus look so appetizing, and it was difficult to look away.

 

“Can I watch?” Caleb barely managed to whisper. Caduceus ears flicked forward to catch the sound on the air.

 

“You… huh?” Caduceus’ nerves seemed to settle as they roamed Caleb’s body, they searched Caleb’s face as he spoke. 

 

“If you are amenable… I would- would like to watch you touch yourself.” Caleb stammered. “I’m very… curious, about you. And the tool you were using.” Caleb thought back to the few times he had watched Caduceus in secret already, and he felt a pulse of need between his legs.

 

“The… cucumber?” Caduceus said.

 

Caleb blinked, “ _ Ja _ , how did you manage that?” He glanced down to where Caduceus still held the object in his hand. Caleb had never even considered using something like that to pleasure himself. He had heard stories of course, but nothing like this.

 

“Oh, I just… We couldn’t eat them fast enough, and I felt bad just throwing them out when they started to get too soft for eating. So I… well.” Caduceus held the vegetable out for inspection. Caleb reached for it eagerly. Curiosity briefly winning out over desire.

 

It’s quite a large cucumber, wide enough. One end was cut widthwise to expose the meat of the vegetable. The inner chamber was long and narrow, and a bit roughened. It looked like Caduceus had carved out an opening in the pulp with a spoon, before letting his cock do the rest of the work opening the hole up. Caleb swallows the saliva pooling in his throat.

 

“It feels really nice actually...” Caduceus trailed off as Caleb rubbed his fingers along the bruised soft insides of the toy. His fingers came away damp with juice, but otherwise were clean.

 

“...Do you want to try it?” Caduceus asked after a minute. He looked pointedly at the bulge in Caleb's trousers. Caleb reddened, and tore his attention away from the toy. He supposed there was no point in hiding his desire now, but it still felt awkward and new. The two of them were here, tentative participants in this strange new shared experience. Perhaps it was the natural next step after weeks of kissing and cuddling. So far Caleb would say that it was going well. Caduceus hadn’t chased him out of his room or said anything bitingly sarcastic. Why not share their masterbatory habits?

 

“I-I… not yet.” Caleb took a few steps closer, watching for any sign of discomfort from Caduceus. 

 

“Why don’t you show me how it feels first?  _ Ja?”  _ Caleb suggested again, and Caduceus nodded, his adams apple bobbed as he swallowed. 

 

Caleb followed Caduceus down when the firbolg started to settle back onto the towel he’d spread out over his bedding. Comfortably tucked between the roots of his tree, Caleb noticed now how nest-like it was. Blankets, furs, and pillows were piled haphazardly over a soft bed of moss. It was surprisingly comfortable, shaded. And with plenty of air flow it was much less stuffy than anywhere indoors.

 

Caduceus lowered the hem of his pants, sighing when his cock came free, pulsing once. He’d barely flagged at all in the time it had been neglected. Caleb let out a shuddering breath. It wasn’t as though he’d never seen Caduceus naked before, but it had never been like this, or up close. The sunlight that shone down from Caduceus’ enchantments made it easy to see every ridge and curve of the firbolg’s dick. Swollen, long and … pretty. Flushed pink and so eager it was dripping. It’s foreskin was stretched and drawn back completely. Caleb swore he could see it twitch in time with Caduceus’ heartbeat. 

 

Caleb shuffled forward a little, placing his hands on the firbolg’s knees to coax them open a little wider. He wanted to see every inch of him as Caduceus slowly lowered the cucumber back down his waiting cock.

 

Caleb watched agape as Caduceus whined, the sound was a mix of relief and renewed desperation. The sound morphing into a groan as he pulled the toy up again. Squelching loudly.

 

“ _ Scheisse…” _ Caleb whispered, he reached down to cup himself through his pants. “ _ Gott _ \- you look so good. How does that feel?”

 

“Tight.” Caduceus hummed, his ears perking up at the praise, before he started to move again. Caleb reached out, placed his hand over the firbolg’s and guided it back down. 

 

“A little _ cold- _ ” Caduceus whimpered as it gently enveloped him. Up close like this Caleb could devour every shiver, watch every prickle of heat that bloomed over his lovers face. He wondered if Caduceus could cum like this.

 

“Is this good?” Caleb asked breathlessly.

 

“ _ Yeahh,”  _ Caduceus hissed, before tensing, eyes shutting in concentration before he’s suddenly breathing hard. 

 

“Are you close?”

 

“Mhh- maybe, but- I don’t want to finish like this,” Caduceus groaned, blinking through his eyelashes at Caleb. 

 

“Would that be so bad?” Caleb hums, taking some control. He kept Caduceus’ hand steady as it bobbed up and down. He stroked Caduceus slowly, admiring how easily the fleshlight glided down his cock. At the same time he could feel a gentle resistance. The air inside the cucumber created a kind of suction, from the sound and feel of it. And it made the toy resist him on every downstroke. Only for it to drift upwards of its own volition. Caleb could only imagine how tight it felt. Caduceus squirmed. His breaths turned heavy.

 

“No but- I want to- it’s too soon.” Caduceus whined. Caleb drank up the reactions Caduceus having to this. He wanted to memorize every tremor and building desire as pleasure slowly over took Caduceus, drawing him tight like a bowstring. His Hips and thighs shook, his skin turned flushed darker. Below heavy eyelids Caduceus’ gaze flickered between the sight of his cock disappearing into his tool, to their interlocked hands, to Caleb’s face. And Caleb thought he understood then, what the firbolg meant. He wanted to savor this too.

 

Caleb pushed the vegetable down as far as it could go and squeezed around its base. A broken moan tore from Caduceus’ lips as his back arched. His hips gave a few more aborted thrusts before he finally stilled.

 

“It feels really good with another person,  _ ja? _ ” Caleb breathed. 

 

“ _ Yeah _ ... much better than before.” Caduceus said between heavy breaths. Calebs brain latched on to the word: ‘ _ Before’ _ . Caleb is struck with the vision of Caduceus doing this alone in bed, carving up different vegetables and testing out their fit until he found a method that worked just right. How long had he been doing this? Where did his thoughts go when he was milking his own cock with a vegetable of all things?

 

Caduceus’ face went slack, eyelids fluttering closed, as he pulled the fleshlight off, groaning. His engorged member emerged with a slick pop.

 

Caleb felt breathless as he saw it again. Somewhere in the process of fucking himself Caduceus’ had swelled in size. 

 

“ _ Gottverdammt _ , Caduceus...” Caleb groaned as Caduceus sighed. His cock was dripping wet,  and flushed to a dark maroonish color. Caleb wanted it in his mouth, wanted to crush it against his tongue like a fat juicy berry. But he knew Caduceus would be done for if he tried.

 

Caleb sucked in a breath, rapidly swallowing the saliva pooling in his mouth. Caduceus eyes flutter open and look at Caleb, smiling shyly.

 

They leaned in for a kiss, meeting in the middle with ease of familiarity. Caleb controlled the pace of it as he shuffled closer on his knees and into the space between Caduceus’ legs, bringing their chests together. Heat rolled off Caduceus’ body in waves. 

 

In the past they had spent long hours kissing leisurely with no end goal. The slide of their lips was enough. But this situation and turned things on to their head. As soon as Caduceus had regained his composure he began kissing Caleb more deeply. With all the fervor he knew, learned from the many lazy days spent together. Broad hands roamed over  Caleb’s neck and shoulders, slipped down his belly to grope at the hard line of Caleb’s cock, trapped in the confines of his trousers. His thumb rubbed at the growing wet spot at the tip. Making Caleb shiver.

 

Caleb gasped into Caduceus mouth, breaking for air only to feel Caduceus tongue slip past his teeth. Caduceus’ other hand pressed flat into Caleb’s back, pulling Caleb closer as He arched into the touch between his legs.

 

“ _ ha- ah,  _ Caduceus that’s-” Caleb whispered, as the firbolg moved to nip his way down his neck. Palm slowly stroking him through his pants. Caleb squirmed in his grasp.

 

“I want to see what makes you feel good too,” Caduceus rumbled, hand still moving as if he had every intention of making Caleb climax then and there.

 

“It- it does feel good- but- I-  _ mhh-”  _ Caleb lost his train of thought as Caduceus’ mouth found his ear.

 

For a few minutes, maybe longer, Caleb let go. He pressed up into caduceus hand, panting and whining when it became too much. He needed to get his clothes off desperately.

 

“Caduceus-” Caleb managed in a more authoritative tone. “Enough, my pants hurt.”

 

“Okay,” Caduceus acquiesced, albeit reluctantly.

 

A moment later Caleb was freed. He could see the hunger in Caduceus’ eyes as he watched him wriggle out of his clothes. Eventually the firbolg followed suit. Caleb sighed with some relief as he finally was freed from his restrictive clothing.

 

“You look…” Caduceus mumbled, as they sat across from each other, taking in the moment. Caleb perked slightly at the sound of the firbolg’s voice.

 

“Really nice,” He finally finished, smiling infectiously. Caleb felt his own mouth quirk up a bit. Caduceus reached out for him, beckoning him closer.

 

“Can I touch you?”

 

“ _ Ja _ ,” Caleb crawled up to him again. His smile widened as long arms enveloped him, and he was pulled in for a hug. Caduceus buried his face into Caleb’s shoulder. Caleb chuckled and hugged him back.

  
  


\---------

  
  


They get sidetracked. Old habits die hard, and to be fair Caleb thinks he could lie comfortably in Caduceus’ arms for hours and hours. But after a while and the sun starts to dip towards the horizon. The cooling air makes Caleb shiver a bit and he remembers that they have some unfinished business. The two of them are still mostly hard, but while Caleb feels less urgency, there’s a deep ache in his groin that he knows is going to smart later if he doesn’t do something about it. He can’t imagine Caduceus is feeling much better.

“I want to try your toy out,” Caleb said as he was settling himself in Caduceus lap, legs wrapped over the firbolg’s hips.

 

“Well alright then,” Caduceus said amiably, He reached for where the fleshlight had been discarded and handed it to Caleb. Then he placed his on both of caleb’s thighs, rubbing small soothing circles into the skin.

 

Caleb held the cucumber poised over his cock, but hesitated. He feels timid, and clumsy with Caduceus gaze steadfastly locked on him, calming and affectionate. It’s not that Caleb is uncomfortable doing this in front of the firbolg, so much as he the praise makes him feel bashful and giddy. The feeling of butterflies in his stomach makes him want to wriggle out of Caduceus’ comfortable lap.

 

“Go on then,” Caduceus says, smile widening, teasing. He set set one finger trailing up Caleb’s side, which the wizard squirmed away from with a ticklish giggle.

 

“Cut it out,” Caleb laughed

 

Caduceus chuckled, and the touch turned firm, sensual. “I can’t wait to see what you look like,” the deep rumble of Caduceus’ voice made goosebumps prickle up Caleb’s arms.

 

Caleb sucked in a solidifying breath, and tried to refocus his attention on the toy, not Caduceus’ seductive baritone. The gaping hole left by their play from earlier was moist and inviting, and Caleb thought about fucking the same orifice that his lover just had. He slid the toy down his cock.

 

It’s less than a perfect fit, but still tantalizing and strange. Caleb squeezed his hand around the shaft to try and make up for it’s looseness, and groaned as he bottomed out.

 

“Does it feel good?” Caduceus asked softly, the deep rumble of his voice scattering across his nerves. Caleb nods, bites his lip as he picks up a slow rhythm.

 

“It’s really… wet?” Caleb mumbled, face reddened as pleasure started to grow behind his navel. “It’s nice…” He shivered as Caduceus lowered his head back down to nip at his neck. “I like… you touching me.” Caleb admitted, ducking his head when Caduceus turned back to look at his face.

 

“...like this?” Caduceus asked as his hands slid up Calebs body to stroke at his sides and chest.

 

Caleb groaned, the pace of his hand stuttering. His eyes wandered to Caduceus’ cock, hanging heavily between his legs, still pulsing with need. The thought of it filling him up pulled a whine from Caleb’s throat.

 

They kissed again, as an edge of desperation grew in Caleb. He wanted to finish, but it just wasn’t quite there for him. As Caleb’s whines grew in pitch Caduceus’ hands shifted down, fitting his hand over Calebs as it bobbed up and down.

 

“Hm, we can do better than that,” Caduceus rumbled against Caleb’s lips, his grip tightened. The vegetable squelched with the increased pressure. Caleb’s hips jumped up into the grip, albeit weakly. 

 

“More-” Caleb’s breathing was becoming fevered and tired.

 

Caduceus pulled the toy off with one quick motion, dragging a frustrated wail from his partner.

 

“What are you doing?” Caleb protested.

 

“Making it better,” was all Caduceus said, and Caleb collapsed against his chest, grumbling. Out of the corner of his eye he watched as Caduceus pulled out a small paring knife and cut off the other end of the cucumber. He watched him test its flexibility.

 

“Here,” Caduceus said soothingly, as he coaxed Caleb forward more, till their hips were flush. Caleb groaned, and ground down against the other. The heat of another body was a pleasant contrast to the cool insides of the toy they had been using.

 

Caduceus groaned, reaching for Caleb after he’d set the knife back down. He gripped both of their cocks together, stroking experimentally. But before Caleb could prepare himself Caduceus had taken the vegetable in his other hand, and slid it down so that it enveloped both of their cocks in one slick movement.

 

“Oh  _ Sheisse _ thats-” Much more snug now that the both of them were fit inside. Caleb groaned loudly, and in a blur of pleasure the two of them found a rhythm, thrusting up into the tight space. Caleb could feel Caduceus pulse against him, and took pleasure in how with each thrust he made Caduceus shudder against him.

 

He let Caduceus tip him back onto the bed, legs hooking behind Caduceus hips as they both found a better angle. The sound of wet skin and soft moaning signalled how close they were. And before Caleb knew it he was finishing in Caduceus’ hand, fluids mixing with juice and cum. It dripped out over Caleb’s belly as they both lay still, catching their breath.

 

“Mh, that was good.” Caleb groaned happily, squirming as Caduceus pulled their toy off, and tossing it aside into a pile of plant trimmings.

 

Caduceus purred, the sound resonating from deep in his chest “Just wait till I show you what else I’ve experimented with.” Caduceus said, kissing Caleb’s forehead.

 

“Ooh?” Caleb smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> There may be a sequel. But don't hold your breath. I kind of posted this in a huff because I was frustrated with how long the fic was getting. Ended up cutting quite a bit of stuff.


End file.
